Ginger Can Write! (To Russia, With Love.)

My Daughter, The Spy.

Ginger is almost 4 years old and she can now write her own name! That is great news, and I’m very impressed and proud. But this development comes with a dark side. Ginger revealed two secrets today:

1) She can transmit written messages.

2) She knows the Russian alphabet.

Notice anything about this photograph (other than it’s adorable)?

How about now?

Your Writing Has Improved, Comrade.

See it now? She writes her N’s like on an old Soviet propaganda poster! It doesn’t get much more conclusive than that. The infographic might as well be Glenn Beck’s chalkboard: irrefutable. By the way, if you look at the infographic from the bottom-up, freedom wins.

Late Nights, Stealth Movements

Facebook Status Update

WTF? Walked past Ginger’s room and the light was on, she’s passed out on her bed on top of the blankets, and there are toys and coloring books strewn all over the floor. 3-year-old Stealth Partying.

I posted this last night. At the time I thought it was just an innocent non event. But this morning it Red Dawned on me that my 3-yr-old is staying up late to connect with her spooky counterparts. The dots are connecting themselves.

More Evidence: The Sailor Talk

Holly informed me this morning of the following conversation, which took place yesterday when the kids were getting dressed to go outside.

GINGER: “I can’t find my mitten, dammit!”

HOLLY: “What did you say?”

GINGER: “I can’t find my dammit mitten.”

HOLLY: “We don’t say that word. Say ‘rats’ instead.”

GINGER: “I can’t find my rats mitten.”

Where is she getting this naughty language? Sure, Holly used to curse like a drunken brothel madame, but we’ve both toned it down since having children. Heck! We don’t even watch our HBO shows anymore unless the kids are in bed. I’m sure she’s been learning the salty talk from hardened KGB operatives. Probably ex-sailors.

But What Intel Is She Gathering?

You know, I never gave it much thought, but Ginger sure is inquisitive. She asks a LOT of questions. But I don’t know much about anything, so what is she hoping to learn about? To get to the bottom of this, I decided it was time for me to start collecting counter-intel. Check out these documents obtained from my refrigerator:

This is a portrait of Jack. I assume Ginger is building household “asset” files on each of us.

Uncanny! But if this is part of a recruiting strategy, nuh-unh! Already got one kid, Russkies!

The diagram on the left is of a planet in water. On the right is a “Spaceman, who dives in the ocean”. What kind of plans have I stumbled upon? Ginger has taken a great interest in all-things-planetary lately. Holly even made Ginger and I matching blankets with planet patterns on them for Christmas. I hope NASA understands that I was an unwitting rube in the scheme to infiltrate them for their alien warp-drive technology secrets (or whatever). Unwitting Rube, I say!

And then there’s this rainbow drawing. If I had to venture a guess? It’s a map. Ginger is Code Name: Leprechaun (since she’s a “little person”), and the pot o’ gold is where her kickbacks for covert-ops is hidden. I need to get to it before she does so it goes into her college fund instead of a Polly Pocket spending spree.

Still, I’m not too worried about this whole Secret Agent lifestyle. We all do stupid things when we’re kids, right? She’ll grow out of it, she’s just going through a phase.